Updated: Sep 27, 2020
Alicia Keys song “blended family” has been one of my favorite songs since 2017 when I met Rene. We thought everything was lit that not only both of our names were Renae & we were both early education majors BUT we both had daughters who were 5 years old! Crazy right?! - Talk about how God has jokes lol .
I know we are so used to seeing these perfect families and family portraits on Instagram and be like
“Damn that’s what I want my family to be like. They are so perfect!” I can honestly tell you there ain’t ish” perfect nor easy about being a bonus parent OKAY! If you are blessed to have an easy start and everything is just smooth like a babies bottom from the get go God Bless— but if your anything like my blended family dynamic where it took some tiiiiiiiime and still taking time to be anywhere close to perfect then this blog post is for you! It was a rocky rocky start with us from jump. We’ve been through the “YOUR NOT MY MOM/DAD”, fights with the other parent, fights within your own relationship about the children and not to mention becoming financially unstable because the guilt got you feeling like you need to buy every toy in the world to keep the kids happy and tolerant of each other is JUST TOOOO MUCH!
We are FINALLY getting things on a calmer note (God be the Absolute Glory!) and everyone is starting to have their peace and understanding and bonds with each other. Our family is in a good healing space and we are loving all of it! I just wanted to share my top 5 real tips with you on the tools that I used or learned on how to effectively establish a bond between bonus parent and child. Tip #1 Let the other parent discipline. This alleviates the stress on them being upset with you and causing too much friction between them and the other parent and avoid the “your not my mom/dad” statement. Tip #2 Ask about how their routines are at home with their mom or dad they live with if not with you primarily. Maybe you can incorporate a part of their daily routine in your home with them. This is KEY to help them adjust living in a shared space or making their new home feel somewhat familiar to them. There’s comfort in routine. Tip#3 Respect their space! Yes I understand of course you want to bond with them and all but the more you don’t force the relationship the more they are drawn to you. Tip#4 Focus on what you BOTH like and plan activities around that similarity. They ultimately want to connect and relate with you not as a parent right away but as a person. Them seeing you as a person who has some of the same interests as them will help the transition of them seeing you as a parental figure later down the line Tip #5 You can’t take everything they say or do too personal. They are either - 1. Testing you to see if your the real deal or 2. They are just hurting and trying to understand how they fit in to the new family dynamic with you and maybe their new siblings. I’m not an expert on parenting and I will only speak on my personal experiences and honestly since I’ve incorporated those tips with my baby Denise a.k.a Denisovitch (the nickname only I can call her 🥰) you’ll have an easier time with blending your family together. Much love, Renae