To Marry or Not to Marry?
That is the THE question.
From young girls are groomed or taught that marriage or getting married is one of the BEST things to happen to you and what we should aspire to become a WIFE.
We learn to cook, clean, take care of the household all while balancing a career as well and not to mention bearing children. We as woman are pressured with societal norms, that more often realize that's actually NOT what we really want as we get older. As a mom of three girls, that is not a societal norm or pressure I am raising them to have.
I know plenty of millennial moms who are married w/ children and the whole "American dream" but then I know many who are in a domestic relationship w/ children like myself.
Don't get me wrong, I was the one who watched the Disney fairytales and sappy romantic comedies & Tyler Perry movies were getting married and living happily ever after was always the end goal. But the question still stands. Does getting married have to be my happily ever after??
Just last year my bf and I had a very emotional and a bit traumatic breakup and reality check in our relationship. Which evidently put a major halt on any thought of marriage. We had many conversations and we are in a great place of healing now (LOVE YOU BABE!) but honestly, is marriage for us??
I had a talk with my older sister whose been with her fiancé for YEARS, relocated, from Brooklyn to GA like I did and she honestly told me after our grandmother & uncle passed away she's not really in NO rush to have a wedding, and I honestly felt that.
I was so bent up on just the idea of getting married that I never really put much thought into details....
Especially being the indecisive Libra I am. My wedding wouldn't be as special or how I want it to be without my grandmother and uncle Eddy.
On top of that both Rene and I both are still in growing stages of ourselves and balancing being entrepreneurs and artists making our dreams into reality. We consistently push each other to be better, support each other in our dreams and interests, raise our children with love and understanding, working on our credit and financials and also in the process of getting a home together. We even relocated and drove cross state lines from Brooklyn to Dallas, TX. for the last 2 years.
Honestly we are doing everything a "married" couple would do. Not to mention, also looking on the business side of things getting married just seems like a headache in regards to taxes, business licenses, paperwork and all.
I always told Rene that the main reason I really want to get married for the simple fact that if anything were to happen to either of us, I want us to have the deciding factor on what's best to do health wise and for our girls. Since we spent our lives together and built generational wealth for our family he should decide whether to take me off the ventilator or not(figuratively speaking) when God calls either of us home.
Now, I am not knocking any of my married momsties out there. I mean --I definitely do see the beauty of ALL of it. The joining of families, beautiful venue, dresses and suits all of the intricate details and the declaration of their love in God's house.
But my point is...is not ALL women have to aspire for this. I honestly love my growth and even me admitting this to myself most of all.
I honestly feel #free.
I'm not learning to cook or clean or balance the world on my shoulders to convince no man to marry me --but doing all of these things for myself and genuinely caring for my family to be in the best space I provide with my partner in crime Rene😘.
If marriage happens then great, but if not I am not going to be devastated either.
As long as we have genuine love, health, wealth and full dedication to each other, our family & God. It is all well with my soul. ❤
I am saying all of this because I would hope that all #girlmoms would talk with their daughters about not only to aspire to marry but to be the absolute BEST versions and dedicated to themselves before even committing to anyone else. That happiness and security comes from being sure of loving themselves first.